


Like A Sun Inside

by amyfortuna



Series: Only Light, Only Life, Only Love [8]
Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-01
Updated: 2001-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 14:23:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyfortuna/pseuds/amyfortuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin's perspective and a new revelation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like A Sun Inside

_I cannot sleep. My mind keeps racing in circles, replaying the memory of all those faces, helpless before me in the judgement chamber. I do not know why such a gift (if it was a gift indeed) was given to me, to stop them all in their tracks, powerless._

The thought of such power frightens me. By the Force I wield, I vow never to use it for harm, should I ever feel it again. I vow only to protect Han and Luke, and those I love, from harm and death.

The power of the Force has left its scars on my soul and I still burn, like a dying nova. Though I am exhausted in body, my soul still yearns to touch that sweet agony again, to feel the bliss of complete control over my own surroundings in a way no living Jedi ever has.

Strange that control should come to me in such a feeling of helplessness, that I should feel as though I were being used, but used to my delight, in the service of the Force.

I never understood the concept of the will of the Force, but I know what it means now. I only do not understand why I was chosen to be the vessel of the power of the Force.

I do not understand, and yet I burn, I ache, like a sun inside, to touch that power once again.

* * *

Anakin stared at the screen in front of him, rereading the words he had just written. The light from the screen was the only bright light in the main room of the Falcon. All was dimness around him, for it was ship's night and everyone else had just gone to bed, yet he could not sleep.

He closed the document file, saving it, and laid the datapad aside. Standing up, he picked up his cloak from underneath him, and made his way to the cockpit of the ship.

The Wookie was piloting. They greeted each other with a simple growl of hello, and Anakin sat down in the co-pilot's chair, feeling like he was meant to be there.

So it was that Anakin was there to receive the call. The small transmitter next to the pilot beeped, and at a nod from Chewbacca, Anakin activated the hologram.

It was Queen Amidala of Naboo, in a simple dress, without makeup, a look of despair on her face. Her reaction was decidedly singular when she saw Anakin. She shook her head, quizzically, backed up a step, and then spoke, her voice sounding puzzled.

"Anakin Skywalker?" It was a heartfelt question, asked in half-trembling tones.

"Yes, my lady," Anakin said. "What may I do to serve you?"

Amidala then seemed to pull herself together. "I must speak with my daughter," she said. "Will it please you to fetch her?"

"Gladly," Anakin said. "Just a moment, she's asleep."

Amidala nodded, and Anakin hurriedly left the cabin.

Leia was not actually asleep, but had just finished taking down her hair. She quickly bound it up in a net, as Anakin explained who it was, and then fairly flew down the corridor to her mother.

Anakin followed, standing just behind Leia.

"Mother," Leia said. "What is it?"

Amidala looked even more distressed than she had a moment ago, Anakin thought.

"I have had terrible news," Amidala said, as calmly as possible. Leia bowed her head, and Amidala continued. "Your father -- Bail Organa -- has died."

Leia and Anakin both gasped. "How?" they said together.

"They say it was an accident in the skies of Coruscant, earlier this evening. He had gone there at the Chancellor's request, as Palpatine desired to meet with him." Amidala took a deep breath. "I do not think it was an accident, though."

Leia, trembling, shook her head. "Who would want to kill my father?" she asked, suddenly business-like, as Senator and princess.

"I have good reason to believe that Bail knew something that was dangerous. He hinted to me of what it might be, but I am not sure. He told me he would talk further with me during our forthcoming holiday." Amidala looked old and tired then, quietly, but Leia leaned forward.

"Father gave me some papers to bring to you," she said. "Could they possibly have anything to do with this matter?"

"Quite possibly," Amidala answered. "Have you looked into them?"

Leia shook her head. "No, but I will now, if you wish."

"I do, immediately," Amidala nodded. Leia turned to Anakin.

"Will you go and bring me the papers that are hidden in the white case, deep underneath my clothing on the left side?"

Anakin nodded.

"And wake the others," Leia continued. "I think they need to hear this news."

* * *

Anakin brought the small file of papers to Leia, then knocked on Luke and Han's door. Luke came out, yawning, clothes hastily thrown on.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Some news that you must hear," Anakin said. "Wake Bruck and Xanatos, will you, Padawan?"

Luke nodded, and started knocking on doors, as Anakin walked back to the cockpit.

"...and I have discovered that Palpatine is a member of an ancient Order called the Sith, who have opposed the Jedi for thousands of years. His plan is no less than the takeover of the universe..."

Leia read the documents to her mother, not letting her voice shake. Every last one of them was Bail warning Amidala of the dangers of trusting Palpatine.

"...many died to give me this information. Beloved one, it is my greatest wish that you be safe and happy, and that Leia, daughter in spirit if not in body, is also safe, even if I am not there to protect you both. I love you."

At those last words, Leia's voice finally choked up. "Wh-what does he mean by me being not his daughter in body?" she asked.

Amidala had buried her face in her hands, but at that she looked up.

"You aren't," she said. "You're my daughter, but not his."

Leia's face was white; she looked stricken. "Why? Who? How?" she asked, the words tumbling over themselves.

Amidala turned offscreen and said something to her aides. The sounds of people moving away came through the air as Leia and Anakin stared at the hologram and Luke came up behind them, also watching.

Amidala turned back to them, noticing Luke in the background. "Who is that?" she said.

"Padawan Luke Naberrie, your Highness," he said.

"Naberrie," she repeated, a kind of panicked laughter in her voice. "You will want to hear this then, too." She looked over at Anakin. "And you."

"What is it that we should hear?" Anakin said to her.

Amidala took a deep breath. "About twenty years ago now, a master and his padawan came to Naboo to aid in the transaction of a trade treaty. As is customary, the pair were given their pick of the Naboo women. The master refused the honor, but the padawan did not."

Realization was beginning to dawn over Anakin's face. "How did the padawan come to sleep with the queen?" he asked.

"She disguised herself as a simple handmaiden and went out into the crowd. He chose her, to her surprise, for she was not the loveliest of the women there." Amidala was looking straight at Anakin, and it was as though the other two had fallen out of the picture and the two old lovers were remembering a too-brief encounter. For a moment.

"The queen became pregnant with twins. She gave up one of them to the Jedi for training. The other she kept." Amidala turned back to Luke and Leia. "Young Luke, you are the child I gave up."

"I am your father," Anakin said in wonder, staring at Luke with new-opened eyes. Was that why he had felt so protective toward the boy?

And Luke was suddenly laughing and in Anakin's arms. "My father!" he was saying, over and over.

Leia suddenly realized that this meant Anakin was her father also. She remained still, staring at the Jedi.

"I have both lost and gained a father in one day," she whispered. Anakin looked over at her words, reached out and pulled her into his embrace as well.

"Not lost," he said. "We never lose the ones we love, my daughter."

As one, all of them looked back over at the hologram, where Amidala was wiping her eyes. "You'll never know how much I dreamed of this -- all of us together, as a family, as it should have been."

"We'll be together in person soon," Luke said, still smiling. "I have a mother too, and a sister," he went on, glancing over at Leia. "I never even thought of this, but I'm glad I know, so glad."

Leia nodded. "The universe is shifting, but I am glad I know at last where I stand."

Anakin let go of his children with reluctance. "We have more to plan before we may rest. Since no one even considers the idea that Bail Organa's death was an accident, we must be very careful indeed. The next people on Palpatine's list will be us."

Amidala nodded. "I own a house deep in the country, hidden in a dense forested valley. When you come to Naboo, land in the Guran swamp. I will meet you there and take you to the house. You will be safe there, for as long as you need to be."

"Won't Palpatine suspect you?" It was Luke who asked the question.

"No," Amidala said. "He thinks I am one of his most loyal supporters. I have convinced him that I was estranged from my husband because of his non-visionary policies and I have told him many times that he is the greatest innovator the Naboo system has ever seen. His weakness is his ego, and I know how to strike."

Anakin laughed. "Keep striking then, your Highness. We will meet you in two more days, in the Guran swamp."

"I await that day with eagerness," she said. The connection cut off and the remaining three were left staring at each other.

Anakin looked at them both, his children, wondering how he could have ever not known. They even looked like him. Luke had his coloring and hair, but Leia had all the little tricks of motion he had noticed in himself, even down to the way she stood with her head tilted slightly.

"So many things have changed, so fast," she said. "I feel overwhelmed, both by happiness and sadness."

"Bail was no less your father because it was I that made you," Anakin said.

"No," Leia said. "You're right. But I wonder why it was that no one ever spoke of this to me before. Did everyone think I was really his child?"

"We'll find out, sister," Luke said.

Leia nodded, gathering up the papers she had been trusted with. "That we will."

Anakin spoke. "Can I ask something? Would it be all right if we did not speak of this to the others on this ship yet? Since we may have hard things to go through, it would be best if we kept this among ourselves, at least until we reach Naboo."

"If we were captured, for instance," Luke said, "no one would be able to give away that we were related to Amidala, except for Leia, and therefore they could not use us as tools to get things out of her."

"Exactly," Anakin said.

"Good night," Leia said. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep, but I need quiet for a while, to think."

"Good night," Anakin said.

And they all separated to their respective rooms, pondering the wonder of being part of a family.


End file.
